Before Dinnertime
by Iwonerd
Summary: Only twenty-four copies of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy remain and one is misplaced, in the hands of an autistic ten year-old. Arthur must get it back and all before dinnertime!
1. Default Chapter

**Chapter 1**

Grett Mixillion woke up slowly and gently kissed his still-sleeping wife's forehead. As he got dressed no mention that anything exciting would happen at work today. Just track all twenty-four copies of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, make sure they are in the right place, and kindly refuse any request from a civilian to have a copy.

He stepped out the door with his suitcase in his hand, leaped into his air car and headed for Hantan's Diner for the best cup of aira which is known to an Earthling as: coffee.

Hantan's diner is galactically known for its heavenly aira. Hundreds flocked there every morning to gulp down aira and get ready for the tedious day most of them were anticipating.

Grett personally knew the employees very well. Massilia was a neighborhood girl he had grown up with, but she would endure a life of failures and end up as a waitress for the most common diner. However, as soon as Massilia got used to making aira, she would become known as the girl with the "wet black finger." _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _describes someone with a "wet black finger" as someone with a knack for making coffee as some one on Earth with a "green finger" has a knack for gardening.

Grett thought about this when he saw the Hantan's Diner's sign with: "Meet the woman with the wet black finger!" under it. He was lucky enough to look through _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ before it was locked in the safe for good. The decision was made by Galactic leaders because of the "Zaphod Beeblebrox kidnapping himself" debacle. Now only twenty-four copies exist and are kept by all leaders except for Zaphod. That copy was kept at _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _Archive, where Grett worked.

Now Grett was sipping his coffee as a another routine day went under way. The building was dull, gray and it just blended in with its surroundings. Nothing special about it.

Grett walked in and flashed his employee identification to the receptionist and continued on to his dull gray office. He pushed the red button on the large monitor set up right above a portrait of his wife.

It clicked on and greeted warmly "Good morning Mr. Maxillion."

Grett totally disregarded the greeting the computer had sent and demanded, "Computer, track copy #1." This copy was kept at Magrathea by Hento Mojee the Prime Minister of Magrathea.

The computer monitored:

Tracking copy 1……… 5……..4……..3……….2……..1…….ding!

Under the planet label it said: Magrathea. Right were it was supposed to be.

_This job is getting to damn tedious!_ Grett thought.

"Computer track copy #2."

Once again the computer monitored:

Tracking Copy 2...5……….4………..3………..2………1………ding!

It was in Rhenj, right where it was supposed to be.

Twenty-one more copies went by, nothing wrong with anything as usual.

"Computer track copy# 24," Grett barked his last command. This copy belonged to the Vogons.

For the twenty-fourth time the computer monitored:

Tracking Copy 24…………5………….4……….3……..2…….1……ding!

It took a while to get the planet down then it said: Earth.

This wasn't good.

Grett was panicking wondering what to do. It occurred to him that there was only one person capable to get it.

He picked up the phone and dialed. When he heard a woman's voice reply he requested, "May I speak to Arthur Dent, please?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Arthur Dent sipped his tea and enjoyed the panoramic view of the Beletegeuse Ocean. Trillian was at her lab working tediously on spaceship technologies. Whereas, Arthur and Ford became partners in freelance writing, often dubbed Dent & Prefect.

Ford was out of much work when an order was signed that _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _would be reduced to twenty-four copies, due to preventing "exposure". Zaphod Beeblebrox was the former-president now, but those six people that knew that the only job of the president was to attract attention from what was really happening, weren't to keen on having anyone else find out. However, in Ford Prefect's mind was just frustration.

_What exposure? Just give me my damn job back!_

In Trillian's mind was relief.

_Finally we won't have to worry about people whining on useless topics like how Zaphod dressed._

In Arthur's mind was confusion.

_Exposure? Is there something we don't know?_

And surely, if a logical person could read Arthur's mind, they would slap the back of his head, and screech, "No duh!"

In Zaphod's mind was, quite frankly, nothing. He was just enjoying a permanent vacation on Damogram.

Arthur, Ford, and Trillian stayed close, bought the Heart of Gold, and ridded Marvin of his manic depression. Arthur and Trillian married and had twins: Jako and Mity. They were seven now and were severely identical. No, very, very, severely identical.

As Jako and Mity came home from the hospital, they cried, screeched, kicked, went to the bathroom, and annoyed their parents in unison. Now, they were in school and shared the exact grades, teachers, and annoyed many people, still in unison.

Ford was very irritable these days and often messed up on articles he wrote. Drinking was his favorite hobby now.

Marvin was quite the opposite now. He openly hugged anybody and spoke highly of life. He built sighing doors for extra money.

"Isn't it a perfect day to praise life and the people around me?" Marvin said as he emerged from two big sighing doors.

"Not aft..." Ford started to suggest, but Jako and Mity quickly replied, "No."

"Looks like Jako and Mity got up on the wrong side of the bed," said Marvin, "you two could use a hug."

Jako and Mity started running around the porch, away from Marvin, until they saw a new aircar floating in.

It was blue and gold; on the other side it said _R2 FAC Blue Streak_. Trillian stepped out and said, "Surprise!"

Jako and Mity ran up to their mother and bear-hugged her until she nearly gagged.

"What's this for?" Arthur asked calmly.

"Just a surprise for the family," Trillian replied.

"_Just a surprise for the family?_" Arthur mimicked. "We need to be conservative on money, Trillian!"

"Oh please," Trillian said in total disregard.

"What does _R2FAC _stand for?" asked Ford.

"Really, Really Fast Aircar," Trillian said as if she had rehearsed her answers.

"I see."

"Wow, a new car!" Marvin exclaimed. "Just what we need to spice up our lives."

"Shove it, Marvin!" Ford shouted, "And if you give me a hug, I'll have your head!"

Marvin backed down and toured the new aircar.

"Thank you mommy," Jako and Mity said in unison.

"You're welcome," Trillian said and gave a kiss on the twins' foreheads.

A high-pitched ringing sound came from inside.

"I'll get it!" Marvin announced.

"Forget it," Arthur said, "You scare away too many people."

Arthur went inside and looked on the message monitor. It read:

Good morning Arthur,

I regret to announce that the twenty-fourth copy of

_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _was misplaced and tracked

to Earth. You have been chosen to retrieve the copy.

Your regards,

Harg Jax

Beleteguese President.

"What is it, Arthur?" Trillian asked as she came inside.

Arthur turned around and just stared at her.

"Well?" Trillian was growing impatient.

"They want me to go to Earth," Arthur replied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"So they just want you to go like that!" Trillian exclaimed snapping her fingers.

"Calm down, Trllian!" Arthur hissed.

Trillian paused and took a moment of thought.

"What about the twins?" She suggested.

Arthur took in a deep breath and said, "Tell them I'm on vacation, better than that I'll be home before dinnertime."

Now, before the reader thinks, _What the hell is this writer thinking"_, consider this:

_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ bluntly explains that eachEarth day is equivalent to a Belteguese hour. So one week on Earth is equal to seven hours on Belteguese, making Arthur's life conveniently easier at least at the moment, however he did not know what was on his hands, much like Archie Belknap.

Archie was walking from the bus-stop after a hard day at school then a silver electronic device that said: Don't Panic on the back in big friendly letters caught his eye. He started guffawing and running quickly back home. He couldn't wait for his older brother Charlie to see what he had found.

"Charlie, Charlie!" shouted Archie as he burst through the not- sighing-but-banging-doors.

"What is it, Arch?" asked Charlie. He was fair-haired, tall, and square-built, whereas Archie was lanky blonde, and certainly clever for someone in his condition.

"Do you think God answered my prayers by sending me a Nintendo DS?" asked Archie.

Charlie examined the unknown electronic device and replied, "Maybe."

Archie started to laugh excitedly and threw about a million thank-you's to the sky.

"Hey, Arch," Charlie said, "do you mind if I take a look at it?"

"Go ahead," replied Archie.

Charlie took the device into his room and started randomly pressing buttons. The device did the most unbelievable thing: it started to talk.

"_Vogons are most repulsive beings, not evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They wouldn't even raise a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal with out orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in a soft peat for three months, and then recycled as firelighters."_

_"The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat , and the best way to irritate him is by feeding his grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal."_

_"On no account, allow a Vogon to read poetry to you."_

"What the hell?" Charlie rasped.

Archie suddenly poked his head in the door and asked, "Does it work?"

"Yeah," Charlie lied, "We just need to get a game before you can play it."

"Okay," said Archie compliantly, and with that he left to watch his favorite television show.

Charlie examined the device one more time. He opened once more and it said, _"Welcome to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, pick a task."_

Charlie closed and said, "Whatever _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _is, I gotta find a way to get rid of it."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The Improbability Drive comes as an advantage to many, but some consider it somewhat annoying if they aren't too keen on picking up hitchhikers who would've died in the next second if the ship they were flying in particular wasn't on Improbability Drive; a story strangely familiar to Arthur. But now _he _was flying. A skill he was forcibly taught by Trillian three years back. Then he was not at all comfortable with flying The Heart of Gold and even now, flying it is a chore.

As Arthur laid his hands on the controls, he realized that it was on auto-pilot and wanted to beat up the cascade of sweat pouring down his face, nose, and chin that is, if the sweat was a living, breathing, two-armed and two-legged organism.

Arthur packed several cases of tea and appliances to use so that he wouldn't have to put up with the annoying, but for some reason successful, Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer. As he pressed his lips against the cup he was drinking out of, a warm sensation tingled his body and he felt better that he wasn't drinking the crap that the Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer called: "tea".  
"Heavenly isn't it?" A voice called from behind, "Just like life."

Arthur spun around and spat each and every drop of brown tea out of his mouth.

"Marvin!" He shouted. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I couldn't stand the thought of an ignorant human being flying a spaceship like this all alone," replied Marvin.

Arthur's face went a bright red; he pursed his lips and clenched his fists.

"Now," started Marvin, "before you have the mind to destroy me, I want you to know, life is precious to me and I'm no to keen on losing it."

Arthur stopped and took a senseless stroll to the security control room; anything to keep him away from Marvin.

He examined each monitor thoroughly for no apparent reason until he came upon the last monitor which was watching over ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, he saw a shady figure with a trench coat scratching his head.

"Marvin!" called Arthur.

Marvin came in and said, "Is there anything I can do to satisfy your needs, Arthur?"

"Get that man," demanded Arthur, pointing at the monitor.

Marvin said nothing and trudged off towards ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha to get this mysterious figure.

Wihkat Huntsijke was glancing at his surroundings and leaped when the doors in front of him opened and, apparently sighed.

"Hi and welcome to the Heart of Gold," greeted a strange silver robot with red triangular eyes, "The captain would like a word with you."

"Why are you so cheery?" Wihkat asked in what an Earthling would recognize as a cockney accent. "I dunno if my presence is allowed."

"Just follow me, please," said Marvin bluntly.

Wihkat followed compliantly; if he disobeyed he could wonder the consequences. For all he knew, the robot in front of him could be fifty-thousand times smarter than he was.

"Please eliminate any ideas to escape," announced Marvin, "I am fifty-thousand times smarter than you, so I wouldn't suggest risking life trying…." Here he paused and looked as if he was thinking something over, "to die, in which case you'd end up dead anyway."

Kevin groaned under his breath.

"Unless you're severely suicidal, please follow me," Marvin continued.

Wihkat followed and took a seat in the security control. In front of him was the back of what an Earthling would recognize as an office chair. It spun around and Wihkat gasped at what he saw.

"Whassis Earthling doin' crontrolin' a space ship?" Wihkat shouted. "I thought you was all dead."

"I managed to hitch a ride," replied Arthur.

"Oh, so you would understan' my story?" assumed Wihkat.

"What is your story?" asked Arthur.

"I come from a suicidal Planet called Itisia," explained Wihkat (Marvin said, "I know the feeling."); "Until we know the meaning of life people are committing suicide left and right."

"I'm supposed to find some odd supercomputer; I just can't seem to even get a clue as to where it is."

"That supercomputer," explained Arthur "is Earth."

"No kiddin'," said Wihkat.

Arthur shook his head and said, "I'm even headed there now."

"You wouldn't min' takin' me, I presume," said Wihkat.

"What's your name?" Arthur asked.

"Wihkat," replied Wihkat.

"Good, I'm Arthur," explained Arthur. "Let's get a move on; I don't have all the time in the galaxy."

The Heart of Gold streaked across the stars and continued their epic quest.


End file.
